put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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