Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
