dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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