Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
