Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
