3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
