wanna go halves on a baby?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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