I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
