i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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