Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
