2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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