Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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