if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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