the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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