as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize