i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Mom said you looked used
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
