It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
