A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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