Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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