who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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