home. puking in laundry basket.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
