also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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