we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
