does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
