I can text with my tongue
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
