My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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