so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
