Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
