Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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