Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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