I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
