Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
