I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
