is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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