During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we made out on top of his cat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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