we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
