There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
