Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
