Yo dont text me then not text me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
