why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
