I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
