I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
