You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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