Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
