it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The air taste purple.
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