You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
