Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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