She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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