Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize