I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
