Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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