Can i not drive my cunt home
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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