I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Use "feeling words"
Yay
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
