Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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