So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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