i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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