Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
