I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
