You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
