pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
