3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
In the future we'll all be gay
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it hurts more in the daytime
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
