i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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