I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
