The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize