I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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