yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
