8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
