so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
