I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
one two three fourrrrnication!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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