Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
