So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
