I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
