I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
