i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
