so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
