Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
