He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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