I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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