Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
