6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
