I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
