I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
